Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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