So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize