Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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