We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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