i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
