at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
