you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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