so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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