absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
