I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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