Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
