That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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