Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
