i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
