Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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