I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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