new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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