There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
