Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
