nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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