I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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