Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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