I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I enjoy the company of your penis
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
