1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At least make sure they are 18
Why
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
