Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
