I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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