i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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