To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
