They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Found your dick twin last night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
