She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
