It's Friday. Sex?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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