She went from zero to smokin in five shots
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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