He passed out mid-signature
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Are we still banned from the library?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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