There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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