Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
