We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
