we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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