Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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