Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
