Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
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No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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