I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
