you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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