1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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