just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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