I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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