I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think people are normalizing furries
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
