I will die if light touches me.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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