I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
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I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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