I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
