So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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