I'm really into asian looking animals
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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