God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
