oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
