Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
