It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
