New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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