This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
