She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
