Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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