Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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