I CAN MOONWALK!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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