woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
