She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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