Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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