So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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