They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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