I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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