you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
