OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
