3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
