I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
