Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
