Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
