Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
